Golden-crowned Kinglet

Today I’m going to reveal my top-secret tips to becoming a professional Golden-crowned Kinglet photographer. First, you need the fastest camera you can afford, but don’t buy that one, buy one that’s even faster. Then you need the longest lens you can afford, but don’t buy that one, buy one that’s even longer. You’ll need lots and lots of memory, so go ahead and buy a laptop with a twelve terabyte hard drive. You’ll need fans to cool that laptop because once the shooting starts it’s going to get smoking hot. You’ll probably need some auxiliary power to run those fans, so I’d recommend a nice hundred pound system for that. At this point a big cart with pneumatic off-road tires becomes necessary to haul all of your gear. Next, you want to take some tinfoil and wrap it around your head, making sure there’s a big cone on top. What’s the tinfoil for? Well, you’re gonna look ridiculous anyway, so you might as well go all in. Now you’re ready to start shooting, so go into the woods and find you some kinglets. Once you find one, point the camera at him, actually, it doesn’t matter where you point the camera because he won’t be where you were just pointing anyway. Really, the key is to just mash down the shutter button while flailing around and don’t stop until that hard drive fills up or catches fire. That’s all there is to it! When you get home, all that’s left to do is go through the 10,000 photos you just took and pluck out the five useable shots.

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